


It's Been Two Years, But to This Day

by Proudtobeinvisible



Series: For Them [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Lost Love, Lots of Angst, New Years, Other, Philosophy, Relationship Evolution, Therapy, narrator getting over lost love, there's some science, valentines day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 22:51:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13200252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Proudtobeinvisible/pseuds/Proudtobeinvisible
Summary: A poem about lost love and pain.  I wrote it inspired about my first real relationship which ended really badly, it wasn't because of them.  Just the circumstances we were in.  It was a very traumatic time for me, and I've been working through this, so I wrote this poem and like I don't know how to react to it.  But I've been posting all my poems inspired by them on this blog and I just really need to share this.  If you read that whole long thing, enjoy.  I hope you enjoy it.





	It's Been Two Years, But to This Day

Every New Years I write.And I have a feeling you know why. 

I remember you asking me if I could be your kiss, and even though you were on vacation in a different state I feel like we’d both agree how it felt like pure bliss.

 

Then we agreed with our situation it wasn’t smart and we should part. 

 

But I remember I cracked in January, not long without you.

 

And we were happy. 

  
Except for Valentines day, we were simply face-timing.

The first time we ever saw each other,I remember that your beauty just stunned me.

Because I knew your soul before I ever saw your face, and yet you still looked better than what my artist brain could ever paint.

 

Then I heard your laugh, saw your smile and I swear my heart stopped.

You were just so perfect.

 

Have you ever looked at someone, something and think you were meant for me.

Your name was meant to sit on my lips, and mine on yours.

I wanted your lips on mine, holding your hand tightly. 

I wanted you to be my forever, I wanted you to be the one I found the definition of love with.

 

But then my sister found out, and then she forced me out to my mom.

Then I lost you.

 

I lost you.

 

Afterward in therapy I couldn’t speak your name.

All I could do was just talk about school.

How sad it was.

 

That was two years ago, and now I know so much more about myself.

 

I wonder if you would have loved me if you knew me now?  
  
Would you love me as Alex rather than Madison?

 

Would you love me?

 

Would we even last long?

 

I’d like to think we would, don’t you?

We talked about the concept of people leaving, and we swore not to leave.

That’d we be eternity.

 

Our eternity was too short for me.

 

I think you ruined me.

 

Its now almost two years since the day were we started to burn.

I am still at a smolder and you are not even an ember that no matter how I try I cannot remember.

 

Its two years, and I can say to people there is a person I almost fell in love with.

 

Its been two years and I still can’t say your name but I can think it without crying.

 

Now I know what happened to you, now I have closure that I am never getting you back like I have dreamed.

  
It happened when I got my hands on a computer and it typed in your blog, and I saw a post that I was only able to talk about in therapy.

Even then its so hard.

 

Its been two years and I’m finally feeling like I am almost recovered from you.

 

I feel like I don’t want this to end, cause it would be saying goodbye.

And I don’t want to let the memory of you _go_.

You were a fire that burned the brightest I have ever seen but you didn’t last long at all.

 

But now I am not without my scars.Somedays the only thing heavy on my lips is your name, and others I just want to tell you about something but I know I can’t.

 

I wanted to tell that person sitting across from me the reason why I can’t look them in the eyes is because I want your eyes back at me.

Not theirs.

But that was before we hit two years. 

 

Now finally I can look other people on the eyes.

I’m going around kissing other guys.

They have dark eyes and your curls, I had wanted to say they have your eyes but no one can mimic the darkness in the universe as perfectly as yours did.

They seem flat and dull, unlike the solar systems and galaxies yours hid.

You ruined me in the best of days, and the best of ways.

And nobody can compare to you no how hard they try, not even knowing that you may not or may hold my heart.

I see their love confessions to me in the way their eyes linger and their kiss taste of desperation when they ask me if they are the only one who's tasted my lips.  

I dread the day where I find one who's love might burn as brightly as yours, and one I burn as bright for. 

Cause at this point I don’t even know if what we had was love, and I feel like Schrödinger's cat.

Tightroping walking between not knowing I was in love or knowing I was in love.

 

Its been two years, and to this day I’ve kissed a lot of people, I think you would like my new friends, high school is still hard, I finished my first book, my grandparents on my mom's side have died, I have five new cousins, I can barely look at myself in the mirror because I have discovered I'm a boy.

I have discovered a love for otters, and I am/was still in possible love with _you_.

 

There is some part of me that will always be in love, no matter how many boys I kiss. 

 

And to this day I can’t kiss a girl because it seems like I’m cheating on you even though you’re dead.


End file.
